WTF: What The FUDGE!
by emptygenius
Summary: Bella is...Unusual. Her first day at Forks High is epic. Funny little one-shot. AH. Enjoy! :D


**Bella is...unusual. Her first day in Forks high was…epic. Funny little one-shot. AH. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own 'nuffin! **

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><p>"Bella! Wake up! You're gonna be late for your first day!" Renee screamed, though she seemed to be right next to me.<p>

"Ungh!" She snatched my pillow away! WTF! What. The. FUDGE is wrong with this chica? She was going for my blanket, that was always her next move, so I gripped it as tight as I could and pulled it over my head, trying to block out all other noise.

"Isabella." Her voice was stern now. Uh-oh. Soooooomebody's in troooouble! Oh, crap, that's me. Damn. I think I growled. I'm not sure though. She sighed dramatically. "I made breakfast." That was it. I shot out of bed, quickly, surprising her as she quickly stumbled away from the bed.

Oooh, she "Made Breakfast" was code for I ordered you some fresh pancakes and eggs with and extra side of bacon from the diner. Oh, how I loved me some bacon! Especially from the diner, they had the crispiest, crunchiest, but still delicious bacon EVER! I'm pretty sure they won an award a few years back. I snorted, yeah, and the award trophy was a golden strip of bacon for the bacon awards.

…That would be AWESOME! Sigh. But highly unlikely. Man, reality sucks!

I was already crunching down some delicious heaven by the time mom made it down. I gave her a look that a religious person would give their God. She chuckled, mumbling something about how I was Charlie's kid. I ignored her completely as I picked up a strip of bacon. Examining it carefully, I deemed it was good enough to eat. Popping half the strip in my mouth I moaned. Ah, heaven tastes so good!

Charlie came down, looking at me, then my bacon, then back at me and chuckled. I'm pretty sure my expression was hilarious. He walked over to Renee and kissed her cheek good morning, before grabbing his coffee and paper, then sitting down in the chair next to me.

Oh, no. Uh-uh, old man. I know what you're trying to do. You're gonna steal my bacon! I see that look on our face. Uh-huh, I know what you're thinking! Butt nugget.

I stared him down, before slowly sliding my plate to the other side of the table. His eyes narrowed, but there was playfulness in them. He was plotting. Eventually the plate made its way to the other side, but my eyes were still on my dad. He chuckled, his façade broken, and looked at me normally.

"You're such an odd child sometimes…" I beamed proudly at him, but continued to shovel food in my mouth. I ate the pancakes and eggs, before touching anymore bacon. I'm saving the best for last! Reaching for the strip of awesomeness I was interrupted when Renee called my name, hand half-way outstretched. I gave her a look of impatience and irritation as she babbled on.

"Today is your first day of school, are you excited? Do you have all of your things ready? Oh, you're going to make so many friends! Just remember to be yourself and if there's any problem at all, just call! If you need money, or food, or heck even tampons, you can just call me and I'll be there for you baby!" Face, meet my palm. Yeah, today is my first day at Forks high. We lived in Phoenix for my whole life, but we had to move, because my mom wanted to live somewhere smaller. My dad would do just about anything to make her happy, so he transferred to chief of police here in Forks, Washington. My mom picked it. I think she wanted more rain, since it barely rained back in Phoenix. Yeah, it rains in Forks, a lot. My mom was where I got my crazy from. I think. Charlie was calm and I was calm, sometimes. Okay, rarely, but that's not the point. Okay, well I forgot the point a while ago and have just been babbling, but whatever!

While Renee was talking, Charlie's hand, slowly creeped its way across the table. I was watching him in my peripheral vision, but he didn't notice. I was timing my actions, waiting for the perfect opportunity to strike. When his hand was merely inches from my delicious love, an excited, hopeful look crossed his face. Nah-uh, buster, that's MY bacon! Like the awesome person I am, my arm swung out in a ninja-like way, and I screamed, "HI-YA!" effectively knocking his hand away, a shocked gasp escaping his lips. His mouth opened and closed a few times and I was reminded of a fish, so I started making the same face. He stopped immediately.

"Bella." I nodded for him to continue. "What in the he—" Mom coughed. "Heck are you doing?" I smirked. He was so whipped. My mom didn't approve of the word Hell when used inappropriately, well, only if it's coming out of Charlie's mouth. Me and her said it all the time, some say hypocrite, she says "Woman". Oh, how I lurvved my mom!

"Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a fish?" A completely un-ladylike snort came from the kitchen, where my mom still was.

"Wet?" His face was confused, but there was still humor there. I beamed at him, before nodding.

"Yeah, I guess so. Okay, well I'm off to school! Love you parental guardians!" I shouted as I grabbed the left-over bacon, wrapping them in a napkin, before slinging my back pack over my shoulder, and heading out.

"Bye, honey, have a nice first day!" Mom called out at the same time dad said, "Can't I get at least one strip, please?" He literally whimpered. I threw my head back and laughed. Nah-uh! My bacon!

My beautiful truck was waiting out front and I stopped to admire it quickly, before climbing in and starting the thing. I absolutely loved my truck! It was a newer model, but it was simple and I loved it. Renee thought I would like a sports car with a sunroof, but when it rains almost every day she let it go. Charlie wanted something safe. He was leaning towards a Volvo, but I wanted a truck. Reluctantly, we all agreed on a black 2011 Chevy Silverado. It was black, a truck, and big! I loved it! Ah, I loved my truck almost as much as I loved bacon…Almost.

The drive to the school wasn't long and I quickly pulled into a random spot. I was still early and there were barely any cars in the lot, so scanning my surroundings quickly I walked towards the main office building. How did I know this? Well, the white capital letters that spelled out MAIN BUILDING on the wall of a building was kind of a dead giveaway. The school wasn't that big from what I could see and it was expected; Forks is a small town. The small office was warm, compared to how it was outside. There was an elderly woman, looking to be in her late forties, sitting calmly behind a desk; glasses perched on the edge of her nose, while she read through a stack of papers. She looked up when the door opened and Bella smiled, politely.

"Hello, I'm Isabella Swan and I'm new here," The woman smiled, and looked down once more. On her desk there was a nameplate that read "Mrs. Cope." No first name.

"Yes, well, welcome Isabella, I hope you enjoy your time here. Here is your schedule." She handed me a slip of paper, and then a small outline of the school, explaining the way to each class. When I felt good about my schedule, I smiled at her again.

"Thank you, Mrs. Cope, and please, call me Bella." She smiled softly, and I walked out. The lot was filling quickly now, so I walked over to my truck. There seemed to be a crowd surrounding it and I groaned. Man, if someone is trying to jack my new truck, I will be…Insert bad word here. Yeah, Renee has gotten to me. Shut up. Rushing up, I saw a short brunette standing beside a taller blonde. They both had a scowl on their faces, staring at my truck. _Hey, what'd the poor thing ever do to you? _I frowned. I made my way to the front of the crowd and everyone looked at me as I stepped closer to the truck. Every time I moved, their eyes would follow. I smirked inwardly and decided to play a little game. I moved a little to the right and the whole crowd moved with me. I started to move to the left and the crowd was already looking that way, so I faked right. I probably looked like a stumbling drunk, but inwardly, I was laughing my butt off.

As I made it closer to the front, the two girls eyes narrowed and I raised an eyebrow. "Is there a problem?" My voice was calm. Thank you, Charlie.

"Yeah, like your car is totally in my space!" The brunette squealed. I cringed. Jesus, what was wrong with her voice? Did she suck on too many helium balloons? Well, fudge, that sucks for her.

"Oh, well, sorry 'bout that." I moved past her, climbing into the truck to grab my bag and other things, like my cellular device; Check. IPod; Check. Money; Check. Alright I'm good to go. Climbing back out of the truck I felt something try to pull me down. And when I say try, I mean fail miserably. I was raised by a cop and I have been in a few fights, but this was just pathetic if you couldn't pull on someone when they were distracted. Oh, it must've been all that bacon. It's so delicious, but so bad for you. Oh, well, I'm still gonna eat it. I stepped down when the girl released my shirt. I looked down at it and it was wrinkled. I frowned. "What are you doing?" The butt muncher wrinkled my back to school shirt. For a moment I wondered why it mattered, when I realized it actually didn't. I just needed to know what this chick's problemo was!

"I said, that was my spot." She annunciated every word, so I stared as if I didn't understand English.

"And I said sorry." Shrugging I walked away. She and her blonde friend followed behind me with the rest of the crowds eyes on us. I ignored her as best as she could until she spoke again.

"Listen, I don't know who you think you are, but I basically run this school and I can say one thing and—BAM! You're ruined." She smiled smugly, almost as if she was proud saying this. I turned around, calm as a clam. That's the expression, right? I think so. But why would a clam be calm? What does a clam even do? Questions that I will Google answers for later…

"I am Isabella Marie Swan. My birthday is September thirteenth. I am currently seventeen years old and I currently go to Forks High. You already know what I look like, and now you know who I am. So—BAM! I don't feel ruined. Does it take a while to wear in? I'll just wait then, but until then, will you leave me alone, so I could learn. Because as you know that's what school's for. Not to flaunt low tops and short skirts or mark parking spots as your own, but to learn about things. Sorry, but I have to go now. Have a nice day." Ignoring the shocked silence behind me, I swiveled on my heel and walked to my first classroom. Handing the teacher my paper, she smiled, welcomed me, and pointed out a seat in the back. Hmm, it was nice back here, kinda cozy.

Slowly students filed into the classroom all staring at me with wide eyes. At first I tried to ignore it, but then it just became downright crazy, so I excused myself to the bathroom. But I didn't really go to the bathroom. There were only three minutes before next class, so I wandered through the school, visiting Mrs. Cope once, to ask her name. It was Shelly, simple, sweet, perfect for the little old woman. She gave me a look asking why I wasn't in class, so I told her about this morning's tale in graphic description and I may have added in cool catch phrases I wish I had said. I also made the impression that I was somehow a ninja. Yeah, I know I'm awesome.

The bell rang signaling next class, so I bid Shelly farewell and heading to my next class. People stared in the hallway. People stared in the bathroom. People stared when I walked into the classroom and it was driving me insane. Well, more than I was before. I asked some kid for his phone. He looked puzzled, but obliged. With his phone I took a picture of myself and looked in his contacts clicking every name and adding at the bottom: _Here's a picture, it'll last longer. SO STOP STARING! –Bella._ Send.

Smirking slightly I handed the boy his phone back and he checked quickly to see what I did. I'm guessing he figured it out when I noticed his jaw hanging open. _You should close that honey, it'll catch flies. _The seconds seemed long and though it felt like forever, it was only seconds before phones started vibrating and ringing, disrupting the lesson. The teacher looked annoyed. I sat at my desk, staring at the front of the room, everyone's eyes on me now. Silence, then after a moment's hesitation the teacher spoke again, getting back on topic, drawing everyone's attention. I smiled. My work here is done. Well, not really. I have a whole school day left, but you catch my drift.

The day seemed to speed up after that and before I knew it, it was lunch time. While I was putting away some books a short girl with Black hair walks up to me. She smiles a big smile, holding her hand out. I just look at it. "Hey, I'm Alice Brandon. I'm seventeen; my birthday is June 20, just like my brothers. I'm a twin. And I'm currently going to school at Forks High." I laughed at the end of her speech. Her hand was still half-way outstretched, but I shooed it away and grabbed her in a hug. She giggled, hugging me back.

"Alice, what did we say about molesting strangers?" A large voice boomed from down the hallway. We laughed, but pulled away from each other. Alice seemed like she would get along with my family well.

"I'm not molesting a stranger, Emmett. This is Isabella Marie—" She started, but he cut her off.

"You're Isabella? Jeez, girl! You're my hero!" His voice literally had its own echo. I laughed as he attacked me in a bear hug.

"Uh, thanks. I'm sure my mom is proud."

"Girl, your mom better be proud. I got that text message, too, and I gotta say; that was nice."

"Thanks," I shut my locker by now and we were all walking towards the cafeteria. For a moment I wondered if Alice and Emmett were twins. You know like they took away height and gave it to the other, so Alice would be small and Emmett would be huge. That would be funny.

"So, Isabella," Alice asked, still smiling. "Will you sit with us at lunch? I just know we're gonna be best friends since I saw you stand up to Jessica this morning." So that was the brunette's name.

"Yeah, sure, and it's just Bella, by the way." We walked through the cafeteria doors and all eyes were on us three as we moved to the line. "Do they know how to blink?" I muttered sarcastically, a little louder than normal conversation tone.

"Yeah, but don't worry, they're staring at my sexiness. Sorry, but you're practically invisible to them now." Emmett was smirking, looking proud as a peacock, pushing out his chest a little, and flexing his muscles. Alice rolled her eyes. I laughed.

"Lauren alert, three 'O' clock." Alice warned. Instinctively, I turned in that direction to see the blond from earlier walking over to where we were in line. Emmett was scowling deeply, and Alice was smirking, muttering under her breath.

"Emmy Bear!" If possible, Lauren's voice was worse than Jessica's. I actually felt pretty bad for Emmett, because it seemed like he had to deal with this a lot. I wonder if every girl here other than Alice talked like that. Emmett was still cringing, and when she stood next to him, he ignored her. She frowned, and reached for his hand, which he snatched away quickly. I couldn't help it, I snorted. The girl, Lauren, looked up, her eyes glaring daggers at me. "You." It wasn't a question, and I knew what she was talking about, but I thought, like most of my family thought, and wanted to make this fun.

Giving her a look as if she was crazy, I pointed to myself, eyes popped wide, as if in fear. Her smirk graced her face. "Me?" Emmett and Alice looked confused, but I turned my face slightly to wink at her, and she smiled and tugged on Emmett's shirt. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

"I'm the girl you messed with this morning." I pretended to frown.

"I thought you were a brunette, did you dye your hair? I actually think that color blonde doesn't suit you well. I mean, you're pretty pale and—" She cut me off mid-sentence with a loud squeal.

"Excuse me; do you understand who you are messing with? That was my best friend you screwed with this morning. You stole her spot next to her Edward. He was totally going to ask her out this morning and you totally ruined that! It's your entire fault!" She was screaming and if anyone wasn't watching, they were now.

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared calmly as she finished off. I've been taught not to give a reaction, because that's what they were going for, but it wasn't happening. She huffed when I just stared at her. Clearing my throat I spoke, my voice going as dark as it could. "I said I was sorry, but if you and your friend keep talking to me like I'm trash, well, then I am going to do something. I'm not threatening you, but I will promise you that I'm not going to be disrespected like this. Now, if you excuse me, I'm hungry." Leaving an open-mouthed Lauren, I walked to the front of the line and bought a cheeseburger.

Oh, wait, they had chocolate milk! Yum, chocolate milk! I mean, I haven't had chocolate milk since yesterday. That was a _whole day_ away! No one should suffer that kind of torture!

So, I went back to get chocolate milk, and while I was there I grabbed an apple to make it seem like I ate healthy things. By now, Emmet and Alice have caught up with me and got their lunches, too.

"So, lead the way. Where is the place where Isabella Swan, new protector of Forks high school from all the evil bitches, going to sit at for lunch?" Well, I don't think I overdid it, but apparently it was hilarious, because they both threw their heads back and laughed simultaneously. Again, I wondered if they were twins.

"Right this way, your highness." Emmett bowed. Alice giggled, but continued to walk with me. The table they pointed out already had three inhabitants; two blondes and a boy with strange hair. When we sat down the three looked up, curious to see the newcomer to their little posse here. "Okay, this is my Rose," He slung his arm over the shoulder of the blonde chick. She rolled her Violet eyes, but smiled at me. Her hair was flowing down her back, curling softly naturally. Surprisingly, her face wasn't caked with make-up and she was still gorgeous. She looked bored, though, but there was a little light of curiosity in her eyes, sparkling. "This is Jazz," Emmett continued, using his other hand to point to the other blonde next to the girl. He looked like a boy version of Rose, except his hair was shorter, but still kinda shaggy. The blonde looked natural, unlike the fake blonde from earlier. His eyes were a light blue almost purple color. Every time he moved it looked different. He looked muscular, but not as big as Emmett, more lanky, or boyish. He pretended to tip and imaginary hat and drawled out in a southern accent, "Pleasure to meet you," Emmett continued onto the next one. "And this here is our Eddie-boy," The guy seemed aggravated.

"It's Edward, Emmett." He growled. Edward…Edward…where does this sound familiar.

"Jessica's Edward?" All set of eyes were on me now. My brow furrowed. What the fudge is wrong with this school and staring? They seriously should work out this issue!

"No, not Jessica's Edward." He seemed to have a thing for growling…it was kinda hot.

"Oh, my bad, that's just what Lauren said a few minutes ago, so I thought it was you. Sorry, must be another Edward." I shrugged. His eyes were such a bright green, but now they darkened, and held an anger that scared me a little. Rose, Jazz, Alice, and Emmett were all smirking now and I grew more confused. Edward's eyes shot to something behind my head and he opened his mouth, but no words came out. With one eyebrow raised, I shrugged and started to eat. While un-wrapping my burger, I felt something cold and wet slide down my back. It arched automatically, trying to get away from the cold. Laughter broke out through the cafeteria, except for at our table and I turned, slowly, my face neutral.

"I said don't mess with me, bitch." Jessica stood there with an empty container of low-fat milk with Lauren flanking her, smirking at me, like they just won some great prize. I stood up and I realized I had at least a few inches on her. Alice stood up next to me, but I put my hand out for her to stop.

"It's okay, Alice, I'm good." She still looked aggravated, but she sat down anyway. "I don't know what your problem is, but I've had enough of you and your little blonde sidekick over there. I had a great morning, woke up excited, got to school, met a nice woman, was harassed by a couple of girls, got stared at all day, got a cheeseburger and some chocolate milk, and I was still happy, but then you poured milk down my shirt. That's not cool."

"Listen to me, Bitch—"

"I don't appreciate being called names. My name is Bella." She huffed.

"Listen to me, _bitch_," She emphasized the word. "Nobody takes my spot, nobody sits with my man, and nobody tells me what to do!" She yelled. I cringed away from the noise.

"Could you stop squealing like a pig? I need my hearing, it's important." I made a show of covering my ears.

"Did you just call me fat? Oh, _Hell no_!" And she swung.

And missed.

Is this crazy chick trying to hit me? Wow that was such a weak throw. Her arm looked all floppy. Gross. She recovered and swung again, and like last time, I ducked.

"I really don't want to hit you." I warned. Charlie taught me everything he knows and so I know it was going to hurt. She swung again and this time she was closer. I sighed, but decided to just make her stop.

So I punched her. In the face. Hard.

She fell backwards and a silence fell over the cafeteria. Lauren looked up at me and I flinched towards her and she ran. Wow. It was kinda funny watching her trip out of the lunchroom. I stood for a minute over Jessica and helped her into a sitting position against the table next to us. Walking back to the table I stood in front of my seat. My shirt was still wet and it was going to stink for the rest of the day if I just let it dry, so I did the thing that made the most sense.

I took it off.

There were wolf whistles and clapping as I peeled off the sticky shirt. Well, at least I was wearing my favorite bra, I thought. I looked around the table and everyone was staring. Rose was smirking, like she was proud of her child for getting honor-roll. Emmett stared openly at my chest until Rose smacked him in the back of his head. Alice looked like rose, only she nodded as if she was approving my choice in undergarments. Jasper was being polite and looked away. His eyes looked green from this angle and I thought of how mood bracelets turned green when the person wearing it was embarrassed. Edward…Well, Edward was staring, just like Emmett did before Rose smacked him.

"Uh, does anyone have a shirt I could borrow?" I wasn't self-conscious, but it was kinda weird standing in the middle of a crowded cafeteria shirtless. Edward reached in his bag, mindlessly, still staring at my chest, and pulled out a white baseball shirt with Cullen 17 written on it. "Thanks," Slipping it on, I was swallowed whole by the thing, so I twisted the bottom until it fit and tied the twisted part in a knot.

"Ms. Swan, what happened here?" A teacher I didn't know came up to me, pointing at Jessica.

"She fell and hit her head! Bella tried to help her, but she was too late. Bella propped her up, though, so she wasn't lying on the ground." Alice piped up. I looked at her strangely, like did she just lie to a teacher about something he probably witnessed? She winked and I rolled my eyes, whatever.

"Is this true Ms. Swan?" The teacher eyed me, suspiciously. I rolled my eyes and shrugged, not really giving an answer. "Okay, then. Will someone help me get Ms. Stanley to the nurse?" A kid from the table next to us shot up and offered.

"Oh, by the way, she hit her head pretty hard. So, she might be saying some weird things when she wakes up." Alice was just spitting this out like it was nothing, I was impressed. The teacher nodded and walked away with the boy and Jessica dragging along after them. When they were out of the cafeteria, our table and a couple others cheered.

"Ding-dong, the witch is dead!" Gosh, my singing voice is beautifully horrible, if I do say so myself!

"Which old witch?" Alice sang back.

"The wicked witch!" We all sang, then laughed loudly.

After that incident, lunch carried on normally until the bell rang and we were walking out together. I had a few more classes and some they were in at least one each. Edward and I had biology and while everyone else parted we walked in silence. When we reached the door, I tripped over something that probably wasn't there. Two strong arms wrapped around me and I smiled; Uh-huh! I'm not gonna hit the floor! I'm not gonna hit the floooor!

"I like you wearing my name," He whispered in such a soft voice, it sounded like melted butter, or maybe I was the one melting…

Turning in his arms I planned a sarcastic reply, but when I turned completely he kissed me.

He kissed me!

What the fudge?

Wait why and I "What the fudge"-ing? Enjoy this!

So I kissed him back, harder. Opening my mouth I took his bottom lip between my teeth and bit hard. He flinched back and I laughed.

"Ow!" He complained, pouting a little. Still in his arms, I leaned forward and placed a small butterfly kiss on his lip where blood was starting to show.

"There, I kissed it better!" He was still pouting. "What's the matter, lover-boy? You didn't think I was gonna let you kiss me when I'm not paying attention!" His face fell. "I have to at least know it's going to happen if you want me to do it right!" He looked shocked, but I grabbed him by his hair and pulled him closer.

"This is NOT happening!" Someone screeched from down the hall. We broke apart and there stood Jessica, her eye was black and her nose looked crooked. I was a little proud of my work, thinking of how Charlie would react if I told him I hit a girl in the face and I did some pretty nice damage. I think He'd be proud, too. Oh, man, I love my dad!

"Hey, Jessica," I tried not to laugh, I honestly did, but she looked scared and annoyed.

"Swan." And that was all the greeting I got before she pushed her way into the classroom.

Edward grabbed my hand and led me inside, he looked like he was about to bust, and that was just pushing me more over the edge. We walked in the classroom looking like crazy people, but we were crazy people who were holding hands. I'm pretty sure the class saw the kiss, but they didn't ask questions directly. Everyone was whispering and pointing and the teacher looked annoyed with the lack of attention. Edward held my hand the entire time and I held my grin.

The day flew by and I had no more problems with Lauren or Jessica. They pretty much ignored me and I couldn't help but smile at that. Bunch of crazies! At the end of the day, I saw Edward's messy head of hair down the hall, coming closer to me with a smile on my face. When he reached my locker the first thing he did was kiss me. I mean, come on, no hello? What is wrong with the world today? But then again if this was his way of hello then we could greet each other for a few hours...maybe days…maybe.

Finally breaking apart, he smiled down at me. "Hello," Finally a hello! The world is right again!

"Hey," I unwrapped my arms from around him and grabbed my bag and a few books. "Okay, I'm good, let's go!" We were going to hang out later, but I needed to drop off some things first. Alice was bouncing in the parking lot next to my truck. "Hey, Alice, how did you know this was my truck?" She stopped bouncing.

"I didn't, but that's Edward's car." She pointed to the car next to mine. It was a Volvo.

"Man, Edward, when your truck is girlier than your girl's there's a problem!" Emmett boomed, from behind us, arm slung lazily around Rose's shoulders and Jazz trailing behind.

"So, you guys are dating?" Alice asked excitedly. I looked up at Edward and he nodded, slinging his arm around my shoulder. I looked over at Alice and smiled.

"Nope, but we're going for that whole friends with benefits kind of thing, because I want a baby and my mom said her grandbaby better be cute, so he'll do." I jabbed him in the stomach. Alice gave me a look. A look that didn't even have a name, but it made me want to tell her the truth, so I did. "No, I'm kidding. Yeah, we're dating. But only if we get to drive my truck!"

"So, if we drive in my Volvo, then we won't be dating?" Edward asked; I nodded. "Alright, Alice here are the keys..." He outstretched his hand to an eagerly awaiting Alice, before snatching them away and handing them to Jazz. "That I am giving to Jasper. Don't wreck it, please." Alice looked shocked and the rest of us laughed.

"Wow, man. You never let anyone drive your car! Dang, Bella, where were you all my life?" Emmett complained.

"Hiding?" He laughed, but slung his other arm around my shoulder, knocking off Edward's arm.

"Girl, you crazy!" He said this in a thick Jersey accent. I laughed.

"No, girl, you crazy!" I said, in an equally as bad accent.

"Now, girl, we both crazy!" We laughed some more, everyone joining in.

"Alright, let's ride!" Alice yelled, and the other four hopped in the Volvo while Edward and I got in my truck. I tossed my bag over the seat and hopped in.

"You're making me feel very manly while I sit in the passenger seat." He commented lightly on the drive to my house.

"Oh, well," I shrugged turning down the street. "Maybe you can prove you're a man another way…" I trailed off suggestively. His eyes widened. "I meant meeting my parents, you pervert!" He let out a deep breath. "Although…" He gave me a stern look. "What? I was going to suggest we kiss some more. You're a good kisser by the way. Soft lips." He blushed and I smiled. "Blushing, very manly," I commented.

"Shut up."

"No, I think it's kinda hot. I mean, it makes me wonder where the blush is exactly…" I winked at him, causing his mouth to fall open. We made it to my house and I got out. He hesitated and I smirked. "They're not gonna bite," I teased.

"I realize that, thank you very much! I'm just working myself up to telling the chief I'm dating his daughter, does he carry a gun?" He sounded scared and I was having too much fun.

"Well, most days…" He gulped. "But since he's currently at work, I don't see the problem." It took a minute to sink in and when it finally did, he looked relieved. I took his hand. "Don't worry, it'll be fine." My promise seemed to make him happy, so he kissed the back of my hand and started walking to the door. I walked in and called out to mom, "I'm home!" at the top of my lungs. She walked out of the kitchen as I set down my bags, but she was talking as she was still walking.

"Oh, honey, how was your day? I didn't get a call for tampons, so I'm assuming your time didn't come yet, but when it does you just call me! Dad is going to be home soon, though, he's getting off early—" She stopped mid-sentence when she saw Edward. "Oh, who is this?" She eyed me, and I shrugged.

"Edward Cullen, ma'am, pleasure to meet you." He sounded so stiff; my mom wouldn't go for that.

"Mom this is Edward, he's my boyfriend. We're gonna go to his house and hang out with some friends for a while, is that okay?" I didn't really need to ask, but it didn't feel right without asking.

"Hey, Edward, I'm Renee and if you call me Mrs. Swan I will kick your ass." She warned him. "So, honey, how was your day?" Her voice went from warning to cheerful and for the millionth time in my life I wondered what was wrong with my family.

Um, let's see, I met some cool people, I met some stupid people, I told the whole school my basic information, stole a kid's phone to text the whole school to leave me alone, punched a girl, stood half-naked in front of most of the school, stole a comfy shirt, kissed a hot guy, and got a boyfriend. "It was good." Yeah, that about sums it up.

"That's good, honey. Okay, well, it was a pleasure meeting you Edward, take care of my girl. Bella, I'll see you later."

"Bye, Mom,"

Bye, Renee," We waved and walked out of the house.

"You know," I said as we walked down the driveway. "You're never getting this shirt back."

"For some reason, I don't care."

"Good, because it's mine forever," He laughed.

"Forever." He promised.

* * *

><p><strong>Man, I just needed some humor. All my other stories are just too dramatic right now and I'm stressin'. This is the longest thing I've written in one chapter that's all mine. Well, hope you enjoy! Reviews would be cool, but this story was kinda more for me, so I could chill out. <strong>

**-Bianca! (: **


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